Life of a Midwife

Wating for Babies

2011-06-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

It's summer. It's really hot and dry here. I am mostly staying inside today and staying cool. I went out for awhile this morning to water my garden. I have a lot of tomatoes and squash. I'll go out for a walk this evening. My husband and I are experiencing empty nest syndrome. It's our first time in 36 years with no boys around us. I'm sure we'll adjust to it, but it seems weird now. We are trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. I have lots of closets and piles to clean out that I'm sure I'll get to eventually. Hope you are all having a good summer. Jackie

A Touching Moment

2011-02-04T08:37:00.001-08:00

We helped deliver a baby girl on a cold morning in January. It was her first baby and it had been a long labor and a long night. She was born at 8:05 am. We were all tired, but so happy that sweet little baby had finally been born safe and sound. Another midwife, Pat Jones came in to the room. She was there to make sure everything was ok, but now the baby was born! After things settled down a little, the father of the baby told Pat thanks for her work in helping promote natural birth and midwifery care in Houston. They had seen the Birth play that she produced last fall and it had made a big difference about the plans they made for the birth of their baby (that had just been born). We were all touched- especially Pat. It was so good for her to know that the work she had put into the production of that play had directly impacted this new family. Gratitude is something that cannot be bought, only earned.

Young Women are Lucky

2011-02-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to see young women come to my office and speak to me about their birth choices. These are bright, intelligent women who want to have a good birth experience. I think women have more information at their disposal concerning child birth and their options than ever before. I'm happy that women can find so much information on the internet and in bookstores. Information can help you know what kind of questions to ask and make informed decisions in order to have the best birth experience possible. There is no way you can control every aspect of having a baby, but you can have some control, and some voice in the process. Young women are definitely lucky to have so much information available.

Putting my dog down

2011-01-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and I feel bad about bringing up depressing topics, but this is what is up for me in my life right now. My poor, old collie dog, Gracie, is in terrible shape. She has hip dysplasia, and can't get up and down at all anymore. She barks and yelps when she wants up. If I'm home, I go out and help her up, but I worry about her when I'm not here. She has lost a lot of weight, and just seems to be in pain all the time. She used to love to come in the house, but now she can't get up the steps, and if I carry her in, she seems disoriented and doesn't seem to want to be in the house. It seems like she has dementia and can't understand what's going on anymore. Also, she's gone completely deaf. I came home a week or two ago, and found her stuck in the mud in the bayou next to our house. I don't know how she got down there. It's terrible to see her like this. She was my walking companion for many years.
I've struggled with what to do about her for several months and now I am ready to have her put down this week. I can't stand to see her lay there and starve to death, and suffer. I will miss her, but I know she doesn't have much good ahead of her.
I guess the reason I've struggled with it so much is because I believe in natural birth, and I also believe in natural death. But I don't want to see her suffering anymore. The difference between natural birth is that it's pain with a purpose, and I really believe most of the time, it's better not to intervene. With Gracie, there is no purpose in letting her lie in the yard and die of thirst when I'm not here. I will miss her terribly, but I want her suffering to end.
I'm attaching a picture of Gracie and myself and two of my sons, taken in Galveston. This picture was taken just a few weeks after Hurricane Ike, about two years ago. This is the way I want to remember her.

A very Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T21:24:00.000-08:00

I had a great Christmas. This was one of the best Christmas's ever. I got to stay home all day yesterday and today with my family. I guess it's safe to say there won't be any Christmas babies this year because I'm writing this at 11:30 pm, on Christmas day.

Three of my five boys were here. One that is a Senior in High School, and two of my sons that live in Oregon were home for the holidays. They had to fly home today. The house seems empty after they left this afternoon. I have another son who is on a mission for our church. He was not able to come home for Christmas because we want him to concentrate on his mission and not traveling, but we got to talk to him for about 45 minutes early this morning. That was wonderful. We put him on speaker phone and we all sat around the table talking. We all miss him a lot, but are glad he is where he is.

For Christmas, I got a necklace and earrings, a book about the Civil War, and a book about Wildflowers. I gave my husband a world map that has pins to mark all the places he's traveled to on business. It's amazing to see all the places he's been. The best part of Christmas was being home with my family. Last Christmas, I was in Amarillo with my mom who was dying.

This evening, I have been updating the blog with all the babies that have been born in the last month or two. It makes me happy to remember all the families I've worked with this year.

Several babies are due most anytime. I was secretly kind of hoping to deliver a Christmas baby, but I'm sure it won't be long. I hope to write again soon reporting their births. Jackie

My Youngest is a Senior !

2010-08-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Anson started 12th grade today! He's the youngest of my five sons and the only one still living at home. I can't believe it. We've had a child starting school every year for 30 years, but this is the last year. He is looking forward to a good year. Seems to have a pretty good attitude after the first day. We live two blocks from his brand new high school. I wish I'd had a brand new high school to go to. I hope it will be a good year for him.

My Birthday!!!

2010-05-28T20:56:00.001-07:00

Today is my 52nd birthday! I feel so blessed by all the cards, calls, texts, and e-mails I received today. I am lucky to have so many friends and people that care about me and I thank you all.
This was a very busy day. I was up all night at the Birth Center and later helping with a home birth in the Heights for a baby born at 6:44 this morning. This is the first time I've ever delivered a baby on my own birthday! See the other blog for the birth stories of these two precious baby boys. After I was finished in the Heights, I went back to the office about 1 pm to see some of the people whose appointments I had to cancel this morning. I left the office to go home about 4pm. By then, I was pretty tired and went home to bed for awhile.
After I got up, George gave me a beautiful present of a green antique pitcher and tumbler set. I am going to make some lemonade in it tomorrow. My sons, Travis and Anson, and Travis' wife, Brenda, and George, and I went downtown to the Dessert Gallery for a birthday cake. I had a toffee cake. The weather was very hot and humid today and we had a thunder storm with some good lightening this evening. I love summer rain. It seems like summer now. When I was a kid, I always loved my birthday because I would get out of school. Now I am just happy to be alive and I am looking forward to a good year. I hope I get to sleep all night tonight.

Spring Time !

2010-04-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

It's springtime in Houston! I'm getting to help with a great crop of spring babies. The weather has been so beautiful lately. I've been busy at home planting a garden with tomatoes, okra. squash, green beans, and basil. I've had some nice students working with me for the past few weeks. Lori and Brooke. It's wonderful to see new nurse-midwives and nurse-practicioners coming up and having a little bit to add to their training.

A Hard Day

2010-03-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

This was a hard day. This is one of those days that I think about giving up and doing something else. This is one of those days when I question what I do and if I should keep doing it. I had to send one of my clients to the hospital this morning at 2:30 am for severe blood pressure problems. It was scary and I was worried about the mom and her baby. I went to the hospital with them but they wouldn't let me stay with her. I did not challenge them or try to tell them what to do. They just wouldn't let me in. The nurses were very hateful to me. Luckily, I had a good doctor there I knew we could trust and I knew she was in good hands. So I waited and wondered in the waiting room. She had her baby a few hours later. I'm happy to say everything was fine with her and the baby.
It was a beautiful spring day in Houston today. Several people said, "Have a good day, or Isn't it a beautiful day?" It wasn't a good day for me. I felt sad about how things went all day long. I've felt like it's all just too much.
But tonight, I started feeling better. I got an e-mail from someone who I helped with a birth a little over a year ago. I talked to someone who was sick with a breast infection and helped her get the right medicine to help her get well. I talked to someone with questions about pin worms and I took a nap with my cat. I am starting to get my self confidence back even though the nurses at the hospital have no use for me. I am first a wife and mother and sister and friend and I am a good midwife. I'll be ok. I need some sleep. Jackie

My Mom Died

2010-01-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

My mom died after a long illness on January 24, 2010. I've made several trips back and forth to Amarillo to see her this year and each time I went, it was like watching a candle slowly burning out. The last time I saw her in December, her flame was just barely flickering. On the morning that she died, I was with one of my clients in labor. We didn't know if the baby was a boy or a girl. It turned out to be a girl and I thought that was kind of neat that it was a girl to replace the girl I was losing. Mama suffered a lot the last two months of her life, and I'm glad the suffering is over. I like to think she is in heaven with her mom and dad and brothers who died before her.
We had a great memorial service and funeral for her. My brother and I spoke at the funeral because mama didn't have a church or pastor. It turned out to be very intimate and personal and I'm glad we did it that way. She was buried next to her mom and dad and husband at an old cemetery in Claude, Texas.
I feel very blessed and loved by all the calls, e-mails, and cards my friends have sent. I am lucky to have so many people who care about me and that I care about as well. That would make mama happy.

2010 New Year Letter and 2009 Wrap Up

2010-01-31T21:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends, January 2010

Another year gone by and a new one to start over with! I’ve loved hearing from so many family and friends this Christmas season. And especially pictures of all the kids and families are such a treat. Thanks for taking the time to send your greetings.

I want to wish all of you Happy New 2010. I hope it will be a good year for us all. Here’s a few of the highlights of our family in 2009.

· Bonham graduated from high school! He was surprised we made such a big deal about it. He said he thought he had to.

· Took a summer vacation to South Padre Island in July. It was great.

· Anson and I went to see a Bruce Springsteen concert in April. I had to twist his arm to go, but he admitted it was a great concert. I loved it.

· In September, Luke, Abbey, Travis, and Brenda came home from Oregon after 2 ½ years. It’s been wonderful to have them home again.

· Luke left in early December to work at Snowbird Ski Resort in Utah. He’s happy skiing every day.

· Had a Griggs family reunion at our house in March. Had a great turn out. First Griggs reunion in 25 years!

· I got to go to a great midwife conference in Pacific Grove, California (near Monterey) in October. It was really wonderful and I would heartily endorse Pacific Grove as a vacation destination.

· We took in a little stray sheltie dog and named him PupPup. He died from heart worms in November. We are still sad about it.

· George went hunting and got a mule deer. Come see us and we’ll give you a package of meat.

· Jackie helped with 86 babies- 46 girls and 40 boys. The birth center is doing well. I still love what I do and it keeps me very busy!

· Travis and Brenda are living in the little house behind our house. It is wonderful to have them so close.

· We got to go to several movies, concerts, talks, home tours, Astros games, and a canoe trip this year. Bonham and I went for a weekend in Austin to all our favorite restaurants.

· Anson got his drivers license and took over Travis’ old red El Camino.

· Planted 8 fruit trees on our property. A tough year for little trees to start out. No rain and temp above 100 for most of June.

· George stayed home most of 2009. Only a few trips to a job in Woodward, Oklahoma. His work decided he is too important to let him travel much.

· I stuck with my goal for 2009 and went to the library at least once a month. I read a lot of books this year-mostly about the Holocaust.

· Anson is doing great in 11^th grade at a brand new just built high school. He was born to be a teenager and doing a good job at it.

· Bonham is going on a mission for our church to California (San Jose area). He will be working with Spanish speaking people. He is leaving early February for two years. He is very excited and looking forward to it.

This year is starting out sadly for me. I just got back from Amarillo to see my mom. She is very sick and I think that is probably the last time I will see her. She is 82 and her health has declined steadily since she had a bad car wreck about seven years ago. It is very sad to see her in so much pain and I hope this will not last long. I feel torn between staying there and being in Houston to see after my own family and my clients having babies. I just try to think about mama being with her family members who have passed before her and how happy that would be. Dying is part of living. It’s also like birth-it happens in it’s own time.

As you can see, the boys are growing up and we are growing older. We are so proud of each one of them. We have a lot to be thankful for. We hope to see you all this year.

With love,

Jackie and the boys

PS. Here’s my blog sites: www.lifeofamidwife.blogspot.com, www.bayareabirths.blogspot.com

Bonham going on a Mission!

2009-12-06T18:32:00.000-08:00

My son, Bonham, is going on a mission for our church. He recently got his letter telling him he will be serving in the San Jose, California area working with Spanish speaking people. He is very happy and excited to get started. He starts on February 1st, 2010 and serves for two years. I am very proud of him. If you see any Mormon missionaries, please be kind to them as a favor to me. I know this doesn't have anything with delivering babies, but it has a lot to do with my life. My life as a midwife always has been and always will be intertwined with my life as a mother.

A Sad Week- Our Dog Died

2009-11-24T06:28:00.001-08:00

Another thing that happened that has nothing to do with delivering babies, but a lot to do with the life of a midwife. Our little, sheltie, Pup-Pup died a few days ago and I have been so sad all week. We had only had him for a few months, but were very attached to him. He just showed up at our house last summer and we kept him. We took him to our vet to see if he had a chip so that we could find his previous owners. He didn't have a chip, but the vet told us he had heart worms. We had him treated- which was kind of expensive- and we thought he was going to be ok.
A few nights ago, he started coughing and having trouble breathing. We knew he was going to die. He struggled to breathe all night and died early the next morning. The vet had warned us that might happen, but we had started thinking he was going to be ok.
The death of a pet or anyone in your family is very sad and that is how I have been feeling this past week.

Waiting for a Mission Call

2009-11-24T06:24:00.000-08:00

My son, Bonham, is 19 and he is getting ready to go on a mission for our church. We are waiting for a letter to tell us where he will be assigned. He sent an application in early November and we are expecting the letter any day now. He has been checking the mail every day. I think it will be a Spanish speaking country because he can already speak Spanish very well. He thinks it will be Russia. I know this doesn't have anything to do with delivering babies, but it has a lot to do with the life of this midwife. I will let you all know soon where he will be going.

An Old Friend Found Me!

2009-11-24T06:21:00.000-08:00

My best friend, Candy, from junior high found me on Facebook. It has been so much fun to reconnect with her. I haven't seen her in about 30 years and I haven't talked to her in about 15 years. She knew I had 5 sons and she knew I was a midwife, but there are so many things to catch up on. She lives in California now. We went to school together in Amarillo, Texas in the 70's. This is one of those neat things that happens in life that is priceless and no amount of money could buy.

A crazy night of Birthing- 3 Babies in one hour!

2009-11-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

November 10th and 11th are days I'll never forget. Three babies born- one a week overdue, one a week early, and one right on time all within 30 minutes of each other! I've never had anything like this before and hope it never happens again, but it all turned out fine. Here are how things went from the midwife's perspective.
In the wee hours of Nov. 10th , two of my clients had their water break and wake them up. Neither of them started having strong contractions right away. So we waited. We waited all day long. I talked to both of them throughout the day. Sarah (1st baby)came to the birth center to be checked. Angela (3rd baby) stayed home. I encouraged both of them to rest and suggested things to do to get labor going. I worked at the office all day, but took a nap in the afternoon.
Sarah came back to the birth center about 6 pm. She was going to try several things to get labor going- such as castor oil, herbs, breast pump, walking, etc... Angela was starting to have more contractions but still not really in labor. Then Carmen (2nd baby VBAC) called- she was a week overdue and starting to have contractions. I asked Carmen to come to the birth center. About 9 pm, I checked to see how much dilated Sarah was- 1-2 cm. Not long after that, I checked and found out Carmen was 1 cm. So when Angela called back, to tell me she was having more stronger contractions, I went to her ( She was planning a homebirth). I left Camellia (midwife) and Dena (doula) at the birth center.
Carmen called me on my way to Angela's house and told me she was going back home. I thought that was a good idea and I wasn't even sure if she was in labor. When I got to Angela, she was 4 cm and having strong regular contractions. Around midnight, Camellia called to say she was taking Sarah to the hospital. She was having unbearable, unrelenting pain and she was only 2cm. I had to trust her to do the right thing, so they went to the hospital. I stayed with Angela who was having a slow labor. Diana (midwife) and Connie (student midwife) came to help me. We helped Angela through the night.
About 4 am, Carmen called to say she was really definitely in labor. She was planning a home birth in Sugarland which was about as far from me as she could possibly be and still be in the Houston area. So I called another midwife, Sandra, in Sugarland and she went to Carmen. I also called Dena to help her. When she got there about an hour later, Carmen was 7 cm and doing very well!
I got several text messages through the night from Camellia about Sarah. She was ok- better after getting an epidural. They wouldn't let Camellia stay with Sarah so she went on home about 5 am.
All three women through the night and into the morning. All three had vaginal births! Sarah had her baby at the hospital at 9:11 am, Angela had hers at home at 9:16 am, and Carmen had hers at home at 9:54 am!!!! Praise the Lord!!!! More details on the other blog.

Tired tonight

2009-09-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

I'm really tired tonight and fixing to go to bed. I was up all night last night, but got to sleep this morning between 8-10 am. It was my privilege to help bring two new baby girls into the world today. I was torn between Katy and Pasadena at 1 am this morning. Luckily, Camellia and Dena were able to stay at the birth center while I went to Katy. (See the other blog for more details).
Even when I'm tired, I am happy to be a midwife and feel lucky to get the work. This Saturday is the annual Birth Fair. I am looking forward to it to see all my midwife and childbirth friends.

A Birth Story from 19 years ago

2009-09-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

Today is my son, Bonham's 19th birthday. He is my 4th son and my 2nd homebirth Even after all these years, I still remember and relive all the things that happened on the day of his birth. Maybe some of you have seen the birth pictures I have in a framed picture at the office. He is the one that is born in that picture. I don't have it hung up anywhere because I have always been afraid it would be embarrassing to him. They are pretty graphic pictures. Here is a short summary of my birth story with him.
I was 2 weeks overdue (it wasn't such a big deal to be 2 weeks over in 1990). I went to church that morning and felt uncomfortable, but not in labor. That afternoon, about 4 pm, I was laying on the couch taking a nap, and I felt my water start leaking. It gradually flowed out but it was several hours before I started having any contractions. Once contractions started, about 8 pm, it got going strong. My midwife came over about 11pm. I was working for her as an assistant at the time. By the time she got there, I couldn't talk much. I was in deep labor. It was completely normal with no problems. Contractions just got stronger and stronger and then I had an urge to push, and shortly, he was born. I ended up on the floor kneeling up against my bed. He was born at 12:45 am. My husband really thought it was a girl, but it wasn't. I was delighted with him from the moment I saw him. He was my biggest baby (9lb10oz), but the easiest one to get out. That proved to me that the baby being in a good position is the most important thing about how they come out. I had a friend there (MiMi Sellers) who took lots of pictures and then later, I made them into a collage.
So today, 19 years later, he wanted to go to Hermann Park and go walking and he wanted a pumpkin pie. So that is what we did. Thanks to all of you who are close to having your babies for letting me have a good day with my son.

New Birth Videos

2009-09-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

You Tube has changed everything. Things are changing so fast, it's hard to keep up with. I've seen so many good birth videos at this conference I am attending.
Here are some links:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1uEJdKvGM8

ACOG wants failed homebirth stories

2009-09-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

I put a link to this out on e-mail and boy did I get a big response!!! A few of my clients who acted quickly and were able to get their story in. But ACOG got bombarded with thousands of stories of good home births and from women all across the United States and they took their request down. Now they made it where only doctors who are members of ACOG can enter bad home birth stories. I'm sad that they want to collect these kind of stories. Midwives could start a website about failed hospital births. I'm glad to see there is so much grassroots support for home birth.

On Vacation

2009-09-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

Summer's over, but I am getting one last little vacation before autumn comes. I'm in Savannah, Georgia for a midwife conference, and I'm loving being here. It's a beautiful place and many of you know I love history and architecture, so this is a great place for me. I've never been here before. I think vacations are important for my mental health. It helps me to be with other midwives and birth people to keep my enthusiasm going. I have more time to be on the computer than I usually do. I started a new Facebook page for the birth center. I'm also working on my sick website. I've been doing a lot of reading and walking and tomorrow I'm going to rent a bike and ride around town.
I also got to go on two other short vacations this summer. We went to South Padre Island for a few days. That was where my boys wanted to go in honor of Bonham's high school graduation. We also went to Austin for two days to see my sister. We went swimming at Barton Springs and ate at several good restaurants. Austin is one of my favorite places in the whole world. I love to go to Book People. I love to read.
We have lots of babies due at the birth center and at home in the fall. I will be a much happier midwife because of a little time off.

Summer Happenings

2009-06-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

June is almost over and that means 2009 is halfway through. Time passes so quickly!!!!
I got to go see my mom in Amarillo for a short visit this month. It's hard to see her so frail. She used to be so vibrant. I think about her a lot and wonder how she's doing. I'm in that stage of my life where I still have kids to take care of and a mom that needs care, and work that keeps me very busy.
My youngest son is gone camping this week with Scouts. I know this will be the last time he goes. It's been a fun tradition, but he thinks he's too old for that now. I wish I could go to camp for a week in the summer. I guess I still could volunteer at a camp somewhere. My other son is busy with taking some summer classes at San Jacinto College. It's kind of overwhelming for him because he just graduated from high school and didn't have to do much work this past year. My husband is working out of town in Woodward, Oklahoma. That's a booming little town.
We are having a drought here. My garden looks terribly sunburned. Won't have many tomatoes this year. I came home to find my best tomato plant pretty much eaten up by a tomato worm. It's just been too hot and dry to keep things alive when I'm gone for a day or two at a time.
I've been working at the office and reading a lot in between babies since the rest of my family has been gone. Just trying to keep up mostly. I will sleep good tonight since I only got about five hours last night. Overall, I'm very happy with my life.

Happy With What I Do

2009-06-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

June has been another busy month. A lot has happened since I last wrote. Five sweet babies so far this month- all born at home or the birth center- all required a lot of time and effort and labor to get born.
One of the most recent ones was born to a very nice couple having their first baby. I felt happy for her towards the end. I was happy that even though she was in pain and working hard, she was getting closer and closer with every contraction. I was happy that she was at the birth center in a safe place where no one would do anything to rush the situation. Even though, it took her a little longer to push than "average", I knew everything was okay. I knew no one would cut on her, or threaten her with taking her to the O.R. I was happy that she and her baby would be kept together and he would not be whisked away. Everything turned out just fine and I must say he is a very cute baby. I feel lucky to get to do something I feel good about.
I love to read and I am always reading several books and magazines simultaneously. One of my favorite things to do relax is go to the library. I just started reading a book today called, "Homebirth in the Hospital". I got it from the Houston library. I was leery of it when I picked it up. I guess I have such a biased view of birth in the hospital that I feel like it is a trick. I don't want to encourage women to go there unless they really have to. But after reading the first chapter, I was impressed that the woman doctor who wrote it is really coming from a sincere desire to make birth in the hospital better. I hope it works for the good of women everywhere. I'll write another review of the book when I finish.

2009-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

May, 2009, is over and here comes June. What a wonderful, exciting month it was. I've got to write about one of the most amazing things that happened that never happened to me as a midwife before. I helped with two women whose babies came out face first. That is so unusual! One came out at home just fine and one had to come out in the hospital after we did everything we possibly could at home.
One of my sons graduates from high school this week. I am very proud of him. He has done well in school, and he became an Eagle Scout this past year. It's probably because he had a natural birth at home. Just kidding. My birth pictures with him are in a frame at the office in a discreet location if you want to see them.

My Birthday!

2009-05-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my birthday. I've always loved my birthday. I liked it when I was a kid because I would usually get out of school. I like it now because I am thankful for every year I have. I indulged myself today because I know I have a busy day tomorrow. Today, I went downtown and ate at one of my favorite little places in Houston- called Stone Mill Bakers on Kirby. I had a turkey-avocado salad with cranberries and a great dressing. Then I went to a nearby park and went for a walk. After that, I went to a little shop called Lucia's Garden. I love to go there. It has all kinds of unusual books and gifts and herbs. When I was there today, it was very cloudy and rainy and it felt good to be inside there. Lucia, the woman that owns the store, said hello to me. I bought two books, and a dishtowel. I feel very lucky that I got to do that. I hope all of you will have a good day on your birthday, too.

Negative Energy at Births

2009-05-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

May was a very busy month for me for babies. I am happy to say all the mama's and babies I helped with are doing well. I'm sad that four moms had to go to the hospital- all for completely different reasons. Even though it wasn't exactly what we planned or wanted it was just the way things turned out. There are many times that I am very thankful there are hospitals available to help when there are problems I can't deal with. I often think about what would have happened in those situations 100 years ago. Sometimes, it would not be pretty. I am also very happy when we have a nice normal birth at home or the birth center with no interventions.
One problem that has come up several times in the past month is negative people at births. It seems like some people want the woman to fail at her goal of a natural birth. That makes me sad. They just can't understand why anyone would not want to be in a hospital maxed out on drugs. My own mother thought that. They are often somewhat rude to me as well.
Being a midwife has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be. I just laugh it off when people treat me like that. I think it is a mistake to invite people who are not solidly behind you to your birth. Sometimes, women feel obligated to invite their family to the birth even if they are not in favor of them having a midwife. It becomes more of a problem if some kind of a situation arises that causes us to go to the hospital. I think I will start talking to my clients about this issue more often.
I will be ok. It's just part of being a midwife in the United States at this time in history. I still believe that midwifery care is the way most women should start out and go to a higher level of care if needed. About 10-15% of women will always need more than a midwife can do. I look forward to a time when midwives are more respected. Until then, situations like that keep me humble.

Mother's Day

2009-05-12T05:17:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is one of my favorite holidays- not because of gifts- because of memories. Thinking about all the happy times I've helped women to become mothers. I guess yall are thinking about those memories, too because I always receive many messages and calls from former clients on Mother's Day. I wonder if women who have doctors call their doctors on Mother's Day?
I had a very nice Mother's Day. My two youngest sons and I went to church. The speakers at church made me feel very honored to be a Mother by what they said. After church, my sons and husband and I went to Galveston to the historic homes tour. It is kind of a Mother's Day tradition for us to do that. If I wasn't a midwife, I think I would be an architect. I love old houses and especially ones that have been nicely restored. Many of you know I live in a house that is newer but built in a older style. If we stay in Houston, I will eventually talk my husband into moving to Galveston or the Heights.
I heard from all my sons on Mother's Day! The two youngest ones are here at home and I got a card from the one in Springfield, Oregon. I got a call from the one in Eugene, Oregon, and an e-mail from my son in Denver. Being a mother is definitely one of my greatest blessings- right up there with good health and having enough to eat every day.
I get sad when I think of my own mother. She is in a nursing home near Amarillo, Texas. I miss her every day. She does not remember that she ever had any kids. She also doesn't remember how to talk on the phone, so it is difficult for me to call her. I sent her some flowers. When I was on the phone placing the order, I got choked up when the lady asked me what to put on the card. How can you tell someone in a few words thank you for my life and your love? I am thankful for my mother and my life. I hope all who read this had a good day.

Difficulty with Writing

2009-05-06T06:08:00.000-07:00

I hesitate to write on this blog sometimes because I know anyone can read it. I know people who think being a midwife is stupid can read it. Doctors who wish I would just go away can read it. Family members of my clients who don't agree with them having their babies outside the hospital can read it. I laid in bed thinking about this for a long time last night and I realized all writers have this problem. On the other hand, I could just write all these things in my journal and then close it up and put it away. I don't want to do that. I want others to know what I am thinking and I am willing to put it out for anyone to read.
Yesterday was a hard day. I still feel upset about. I helped someone with the birth of her first grandchild. We started out at the birth center and ended up taking her daughter-in-law to the hospital for a c-section. I did not want her to go, but she insisted she wanted to go. The doctor told me before we went that he would not do anything else but a c-section because he had some kind of a previous commitment. Despite all the talk to try to change her mind, when things like that happen, I just have to trust that the mother of the baby knows best and trust her intuition for what is best for her and her baby. I wish them all good things.
We have had a lot of transfers (five) to the hospital in the past three months and three of them ended up in c-sections. A transfer is always upsetting and the most stressful part of my work as a midwife. It's upsetting because it usually involves a problem, pain, and is not what we had planned. I'm happy to say that all the transfers have turned out well and all the mothers and babies are well. But every case was a difficult situation and it makes me question if I am doing the right thing with my life. Am I doing the best thing to help the most women and families? That question is why I write. It helps me work things through. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Unfortunately, I am out of time for therapy now. Jackie

A Cold Front and A Challenging Week

2009-03-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

A major cold front came through the Houston area last week and brought many babies with it. Five women in my practice had their babies. All of them had some kind of problem or challenge that gave me a few more gray hairs. However, they and all their babies are doing fine.
The first one to deliver was one of the sweetest women I've ever met having her third baby. She had developed a condition called cholestasis- a liver dysfunction. It was a month before her due date, but she had been admitted to the hospital the day before and induced. We had spent a lot of time in the early part of the week consulting with a GI specialist and then finding an Ob/Gyn to take over her care. The encounter we had with the GI doctor had been very unpleasant. Dr. J at NW Memorial had taken over her care and he took good care of her. She had a vaginal birth and went home the next day. Unfortunately, the baby had to stay in the hospital, but is doing well.
My next client was having her first baby and was a few days overdue. She went into labor after a few starts and stops. I really believe the cold front is what did the trick to get her into labor. She had a relatively quick labor and a normal size baby, but a severe tear. I knew when I saw it, that I could not repair it at the Birth Center. I called Dr. M and made arrangements for him to meet us at the ER of the closest hospital to the Birth Center. He met us there a few hours after the birth. He did a great job. I have to say that he is something of a saint to help me the way he does when I have problems. Good natured and so competent. I can never say enough good words about him. Things are going well with her now.
That same morning, one of my other clients not due until April 2nd called to tell me her water broke (three weeks early). A definite casualty of the cold front. No labor at all. So we waited. I won't go into all we did to get her labor going, but just let me say we did everything (and worried). We had given up and decided to go to the hospital when the sun came up. I laid down for a little while and woke up and she was in labor and three hours later we had a baby!!! Joy to the world. When her baby was born, it did not breathe right away. I had to resuscitate it and we called 911. By the time they got there when she was 12 minutes old, she was fine- pink and breathing normally in her mama's arms. Just a few minutes of high drama.
My next client actually had her baby before the one I just wrote about. She had two due dates and I think because of the cold front, went with the first one. Went into labor and everything went well until she started pushing. It seemed like she was having a much more difficult time pushing than she did with her first baby. She only had to push for about 30 minutes with the first baby, but this one took an hour and a half. We knew this one was bigger, but she had to really work to push this baby out. She tried many different positions and we helped her every way we could think of. Finally the baby came out- face up! No wonder it had been such a challenge. And on top of that, he weighed 10 pounds. Thank goodness she was so young and strong and able to do it.
The next challenge came the next day, and was relatively minor. My client who I had been expecting for quite awhile went into labor. She was 11 days overdue. Had a wonderful, normal labor at her home. Everything went well. She was in a birth tub at her home, and pushing strongly. Her water had not broke and I was wondering if the baby would be born in the bag. Suddenly, her water broke and bright green meconium fanned out into the clear water of the tub. The baby was born about two minutes later. We suctioned him well to get all the meconium out. He was fine and had APGARS of 9 and 10. All well.
On top of all these interesting experiences, we were having a big family reunion for my husband's family at our home this past weekend ( the first one in 25 years). About 70 people showed up. I got to come home and see everyone for a few hours on Saturday afternoon. Thank goodness my three sweet sisters-in-laws and husband did all the cooking and cleaning and organizing. Since the weather was so cool, we all stayed inside (we had planned to be outside).
Another week in the life of a midwife. Jackie

End of February

2009-02-28T21:01:00.000-08:00

Well, February, 2009, is over. I'm getting ready to go to bed and thinking about what I did this month. Helped with 5 sweet babies, and all with no major problems! One of the best things I did was go to see my mom in Amarillo. She is so old and frail-it's hard to see her like that, but I'm so glad I could go and be with her for a few days. She is in a nursing home in a little town called Canyon near Amarillo. I flew up there and drove back. I went through Austin on the way home and went to Lobby Day at the Capitol. That was a good experience- I'll write another post about that.
I started exercising again after a long break. I am starting to feel stronger. I can't always exercise every day, but I try to do something most days. The 3 things I like to do most are an exercise video I do at home, go to the YMCA, or just walk for 30-45 minutes.
I got a new room set up at the Birth Center. That is a big accomplishment! It's good in case we had two babies at the same time there. We got some new carpet in Bonham's room at home. That was one of the casualties of the hurricane. Moved a bunch of furniture around at home.
At the office, I got all the charts from 2008 audited and put away. That is MAJOR! Wrote a letter in response to my inspection from the Department of Health.
Anson is doing well and getting completely over the surgery he had in December. He gained about 5 more pounds this month. I'm happy about that.
I didn't think I did much this month, but now that I write it all down, I got more done than I thought.
One sad thing is that I had to cancel the Annual Reunion I had planned for February 15th. Just have to try again for that.

Life as a Waiting Game

2009-02-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

Lately, my life has been about waiting. I have three women who are due most anytime. They are all three expecting their 4th babies. I love each one of these women and am looking forward to their births. I am actually at one of their homes right now. She is in labor, but it is going a little slowly. Sometime today for sure.
This past weekend, I was in waiting mode, but still did a lot of things. On Friday evening, my son and husband and I went to Galveston to a dinner for boys who have earned their Eagle Scout award. Governor Rick Perry was the main speaker. We are very proud of Bonham and I think he is proud of himself. I wish all boys could be in Scouts. It has been a great experience for our boys. On Saturday, I went to three different places looking for carpet for Bonham's room. During Hurricane Ike, his room got flooded and the carpet got ruined. We are just now getting new carpet. We've been trying to get our insurance to pay, but finally gave up on that and are fixing stuff on our own. We are anxious to get his room cleaned up again. On Saturday evening, my husband and I went back to Galveston for a play at the Grand 1894 Opera House. It was Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain. It was good. Yesterday, I went to church and then came home and took a long nap. Last night, I got my kitchen very clean. Now I am ready for these babies to be born.

Inspection at the Birth Center

2009-01-29T05:41:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in my quiet home getting ready to go out for the day. It's cold out there. I see ice on the cars. I'm listening to the radio and disheartened to hear that the bickering between politicians goes on and on.
January has been a slow month for me as far as delivering babies. Only three sweet babies born that I helped with, and they were all early in the month. The past week, I've been consumed with having an inspection by the Department of Health at the birth center. They come once a year to see what goes on there. The woman that comes looks at my charts, looks at my policy books, and asks a lot of questions. Her general attitude toward me is critical and it is stressful. I know she has the power of life and death over my practice of midwifery.
Luckily, I had some warning that she was coming. She showed up last week and I was not there. She called me on my cell phone and asked where I was. I was at a class renewing my Neonatal Resuscitation certification. When she found out where I was, it seemed like she was aggravated, but said she would come back another day. That was a blessing to have some time to get things clean and organized. I felt prepared when she got there on Monday morning. She stayed all day Monday and Tuesday. I don't blame her- I know she is doing what she is hired to do. It just seems like the State is not supportive of something like my birth center where we have generally good outcomes and happy moms and babies.
It is a good thing to get my paperwork cleaned up and organized here at the beginning of the year. Anyone who knows me, knows I tend to be a bit of a pack rat. I have so many things in my life I want to do. It's hard to fit it all in. I went to a seminar recently about giving presentations. I would like to talk to more people about midwifery. I got a lot of good ideas about how to do it. The guy giving the presentation, Edward Tufte, hates power point. I never thought about it much, but he showed how to make something much better.
I am making a quilt. Last year, I saw a beautiful quilt at a shop and took a class to make it. All I did was buy some material and make the first square. So I am taking the class again this year to actually get it made. I have always loved to sew, but sometimes I've gone for years without sewing at all. I am going to try to keep a quilt going from now on. There are so many beautiful patterns to make.

Summary of 2008 Births

2009-01-08T08:51:00.001-08:00

We helped with 66 babies at Bay Area Birth Center in 2008!

Home births 33
Birth Center 33
Girls-31
Boys-35
Biggest Baby 10 pounds, 10 ounces
Smallest Baby 5 pounds, 13 ounces
Busiest months- January and October
Busiest day- October 27th- 3 babies born in one day!

Transferred to Hospital Moms-8, Babies-1
C-Sections- 3
Premature- 1 (at 34 weeks)

Oldest Mom- 44
Youngest Mom- 20
Attempted VBAC's-7, Successful VBAC's-7
Breech Births-1
Deaths-0
Long term morbidity-0
Miscarraiges-8 (not counted in total)

8 Resolutions for 2009

2009-01-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

- Get my little office cleaned up and usable.
- Get paperwork organized into piles of priority and handled.
- Get active for awhile every single day.
- Get to the office earlier and leave earlier (8-5) unless someone is in labor.
- Eat 7 fruits and vegetables every day.
- Go to the library once a month.
- Take more pictures.
- Get my pictures organized.
- Do something about global warming.

A New Year!

2009-01-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

It's the first week of 2009. I am slowly getting back to the rhythm of my life before the recent holidays. Everything was slowed down for the month of December because of Anson's sickness (see previous post). I took my midwife hat off for awhile and just left my mama hat on. It was good to slow down and take care of him and our family. He is doing much better. He went back to school for the first time today, and seemed to do fine. He is terribly skinny, but eating well and looking better.
I went back to work at the Birth Center- not that I haven't been there, but I haven't had my focus there. I have a lot of paperwork to get organized. I guess I will always struggle with paperwork, but I will keep on trying to tame it. It's a requirement for being a good midwife.
I am disappointed in myself when I look back at the previous posts. I only wrote one post on this blog in 2008. When I originally started it, I thought I would write a minimum of once a week. I often lie in bed and think of things to write, but I rarely actually log on and write. I've been reading several midwife books this past year. When I read books like those, I think there is nothing left to write. Many midwives have already written about their lives. On the other hand, no one sees things from my point of view, at this time and place. I witness amazing things in my life as a midwife. I will keep writing because it is comforting to me whether anyone else reads it or not.

2008 in Review

2009-01-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends and Family December 31, 2008
Another year has come and gone. They are going too fast. This year took some unexpected twists and turns as they all do. It makes me love and appreciate life even more. I’ve loved all the cards, and letters, and pictures I’ve received this season. It is so wonderful to get updates and see pictures, and hear from friends from all over. The letters always inspire me to write my own, so here it is.
Our main focus at the end of the year and during the holidays has been taking care of Anson. We’ve never had any sick kids before, but we almost lost him from a ruptured appendix. He and George had gone to Dallas for a Cowboys game, and he vomited and had a lot of stomach pain right before the game. After they got back to Houston, he felt bad and didn’t want to eat. I thought he had a stomach virus. I finally realized it was something more. We took him to the Emergency Room and he had surgery the day after Thanksgiving. He was in the hospital for two weeks and had an IV line in for two more weeks at home. He got a stomach virus this past week- just what he didn’t need. He was beginning to think he would never get well. He has lost about 23 pounds- weight he didn’t have to lose. He has finally started to eat normally again and feel better. One silver lining to the whole thing is that he appreciates mom and dad a lot more than he did before, and we appreciate him, too.

One big project this year has been for Bonham to get his Eagle Scout award. It was a lot of work and he was definitely motivated and did most of it on his own. We helped him some, especially with his final project which was to collect medical supplies for a clinic in Africa. We got a lot of stuff and collected it in our dining room for about six weeks. Then we had a lot of helpers come and help box it up. We shipped 26 boxes of supplies! I also helped him with his hiking merit badge. We took five, 10 mile hikes together. I usually only made about six or seven miles, but he kept on going. That was hard work, but a lot of fun. Bonham is a senior in high school this year and Anson is in 10th grade. They both have been making good grades.

Luke and Abbie and Travis and Brenda still live in Eugene, Oregon. We got to go up and see them in March. It is an incredibly beautiful place. And we had a blast being up there with them. They all share a nice house there. They originally went up there to mine for gold, but that didn’t work out, so they got regular jobs. They came home for a 10 day visit in August. We had a birthday party for them while they were here (Luke is 24 and Travis is 21). We also went to Austin for a day and tubing in New Braunsfels. That was a great time. We miss them a lot and are glad they are doing well. I am secretly happy to see the weather so bad in Oregon this winter. Maybe they will start thinking about how much nicer it is in Texas and consider coming back down this way.

In between all these events, I continued working as a midwife and running my birth center, That always provides plenty of activity and excitement. I took off for two weeks in December so that I could stay at the hospital with Anson. I delivered 64 babies this year. You can learn more about the details at my blog- (www.lifeofamidwife.blogspot.com).

George worked hard as ever as an engineer and made several trips for work to Oklahoma, Trinidad, and the Philippines. I am proud of myself for getting on a better diet and losing 25 pounds this year. One of my resolutions is to not gain it back. We built a medium size garden this year. It did well and are looking forward to even better results next year.
We have spent the holidays at home together. I am thankful for my family, my friends, our home, my church, my health, and my work. It is good to be alive. I am looking forward to 2009.
All my love to those this goes out to.
Jackie

Big Events 2008

January- We built a small garden out of cinder blocks.
February- Bonham working on his Eagle Scout project to collect medical supplies for a clinic in Africa. The supplies took up our whole dining room.
March- Trip to Oregon to see the Luke and Travis. Had a wonderful time. Such a beautiful place. Wish it wasn’t so far from Texas. Watching the election closely. Voted in the primary. Went to the rodeo.
May- I turned 50- I believe I’m starting the second half of my life- George gave me a gift of wicker furniture for the front porch
June- Family Reunion and vacation to Comfort, Texas. Bonham went to Scout Camp at Philmont, New Mexico
July- Went to the Panhandle for the funeral of my cousin, JW. He was quite a character. A real Texas cowboy. He was well loved by his family and friends. The church where the funeral was held was packed.
August- Luke and Travis (and Brenda and Abbie) came home from Oregon for a visit, We went to Austin for fun and tubing in New Braunsfels. They were here for 10 days that flew by.
September 12-13th- Hurricane Ike struck the Houston area. Big mess to clean up- we still have work to do to fix our house. Got rid of about a third of the trees on our property. It was quite a storm. I definitely underestimated the power of a Category II hurricane. We stayed at our home during the hurricane and spent an exciting and somewhat scary night catching water pouring in through two cracks in the ceiling and trying to keep the door in Bonham’s room shut. It amazed me how long it went on- 24 straight hours of wind. Power was off for about 10 days afterwards. That was the biggest inconvenience. Made me appreciate electricity a lot more.

October- Went to Amarillo to see mama. Bonham got his first job at Circuit City. My dog Gracie, turned 10. I’ll be surprised if she makes another year. Makes me realize how fast life passes. Seems like she was just a pup.
November- Anson got sick the week before Thanksgiving, Had surgery for ruptured appendix on Nov. 29th, Voted on November 4th. George’s sister, Rhoda, and her family came for Thansgiving

December-
Anson was in the hospital from Nov. 29- thru Dec. 12. He had an IV when we brought him home and he was still getting antibiotics and running a fever. Gradually, he got better. We spent Christmas at home. Bonham got laid off from his first job at Circuit City because they are going bankrupt

Life after Hurricane Ike

2008-09-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

I decided last year that I was too busy to keep up with a blog. Now I decided I'm not. Writing is therapeutic. It's worth the time. Everything is a big mess since the hurricane, but it hasn't been all bad. We've spent a lot of time at home picking up branches and sticks and leaves. I finished my Texas jigsaw puzzle. I got all my CD's and videos organized. We've been listening to a lot of radio. It's been good to have the kids out of school again for a little while. We still don't have any power at home, but we do at the Birth Center. My husband and I and our two boys are staying at my birth center for now. There was an electric truck working on our street today. We were hopeful. We have a water well at our house, so when we don't have electricity, we don't have water. We have a small generator, but it's not big enough to run the well or the a/c. We kept the refrigerator going long enough to use up most of our food. It's good to cook and eat at home. We do have a gas stove, so we've still been able to cook things.
We had about 12 big trees down on our property (none on the house). That's been the biggest mess. We've got about 4 more to get cut up and hauled out to the street. Bonham got into some poison ivy while we were cleaning brush. He got it on one hand and arm and then on his face. One of his eyes was swollen shut yesterday. Got him some steroids and it's a lot better today. We also had two bad leaks in the roof from the driving rain. It was a good thing we were there to out a bucket under it. Collected two buckets full of water.
I helped with two babies the day before the Hurricane (Sept 11th). We were all relieved that those babies were born before the storm moved in. More info about their births is at my other blog (www.bayareabirths.blogspot.com). My husband stayed home that day and washed clothes and got the house ready for the storm.
I way underestimated how strong the hurricane would be. I thought I could still travel to someone in labor if I absolutely had to. There was no way I could have. It would not have mattered if they had been two doors down, I could not have gotten there. That 110 mph wind was super strong!!! From now on, if we ever have another hurricane, I will tell any client who is close to being due to come stay with me, or go far, far away.
We delivered another baby since the hurricane on the 18th. She started out at home, but ended up transferring to the birth center and we were thinking about going to the hospital, but the baby finally came out. We were so happy!
My boys and I drove down to LaPorte today. It looked terrible. I feel so sorry for the people there and further south. They got wind damage and flooding. I went down there to see one of my clients/friends. She wasn't there. All my clients are all scattered out. Some are still far away waiting for power to be restored.
Every night when it gets completely dark, we all get sleepy immediately. I kind of like life w/o electricity in many ways, but not being able to flush the toilets is a pain.
Jackie

Review of 2007

2008-03-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year ! January, 2008

I’ve loved getting Christmas cards and especially pictures and now I’m writing back. When I sat down to write this, I started to make a list of all the good things and all the bad things that happened this year. After thinking about it, I realized that is not really a good idea because some of the things that seem good at first turn out bad later and vice versa. So I will give a little history of what happened this year. I'll tell you one thing about 2007- I didn't sit around much- it was a busy year for me and my family and I am very thankful to have the health and energy to stay busy.

My time is divided between working at home as a wife and mother and working at my birth center as a midwife. I go to my office at the birth center almost every day of the week and sometimes also on weekends. Sunday has always been the most popular day for my clients to have their babies. In 2007, I delivered 79 babies- 43 boys and 36 girls. I have been busier in other years, but this was plenty busy enough for me. About half of those were born at the birth center and about half were homebirths. 2007 went out with a bang with 3 baby boys born on New Years Eve! The biggest baby of the year was 10 lbs., 5 oz- a boy- 4th baby, born at home in Cypress. The smallest baby was 5 lbs., 3 oz- a boy, 2nd baby, born at home in Katy. Had a couple smaller than that had to go to the hospital while the mom was still in labor because they were premature. Nine women had to go to the hospital for various reasons. Seven of those needed c-sections. One baby had to go to the hospital immediately after the birth. I'm sorry to say four babies I helped with have been born this year with major birth defects- two with heart problems, one with intestinal problems, and one with a cleft palate. This concerns me because I have never had any of these kind of problems before. For the most part, all of the moms and babies are doing ok now as far as I know. Although I don't think everyone should start out there, sometimes I am very thankful for hospitals.

I spent a lot of time at my birth center this year and still love being a midwife. It's a really big part of my life. I've had some legal problems with my birth center and that has weighed heavily on me, but I think it is all almost worked out. I know worrying about it won’t help, so I just put my trust in the Lord that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and he will help me to keep going. I want to thank all of you who helped me with letters on my behalf, and support in many ways. I want to thank my employees, Camellia May, Debbie Perry, Dena Rogge, and Carmen Aguilar for all their help this year. They help me in many ways- especially Camellia takes care of the clients and me. She is a gem.

I had a big party at my home on Dec. 8th for my clients. About 40 families came and it was wonderful to see all the babies and kids. We had a pretty baby contest and if had been up to me, they would have all won. Someday I’m going to make a trip all the way around the country and see some of my clients who have moved away. I know I’m going to Florida, Tennessee, Colorado, and California.

The other half of my life is my family. We have five boys, but just two left at home. We miss the other ones a lot. Luke and Travis live in Eugene, Oregon, and my oldest son, Shay, lives just north of Denver. It's been hard to get used to having just 2 boys at home. Travis married Brenda Gonzales on April 20th. She is from Pasadena and we like her a lot. They are both 20, so they were older than we were when we got married. We hope they will have a long, happy life together.

Anson is growing up fast and is in 9th grade. He's a great kid and we love having him around. He's the only one around most of the time because Bonham is always gone somewhere. Anson spends a lot of time playing his guitar. He's an excellent player. His current plan is to be a chemical engineer when he goes to college. One day last summer he went to work with my husband for a few hours. The next day, George found some of his business cards where Anson had crossed out George's name and written his in. Anson makes good grades and seems to have quite a few friends.

Bonham turned 17 this year and we know our time with him is growing short. He got his drivers license this year in February, and he has a silver 1986 El Camino that he drives (Luke's old car). Unfortunately, he had a minor wreck in October and hasn't been able to drive it since then. It's in the shop now. Bonham is planning to go on a mission for our church after he graduates. He is planning to get a job next summer to save money for that. He hopes to finish his Eagle Scout project in January. He is collecting medical supplies for an organization called Mothers Without Borders for a hospital in Zambia and has found someone who is going there to take them in person.

My husband, George, had a usual year of traveling and working as an instrument engineer all over the world. He went to mainly Trinidad and the Philippines this year. He still works for VenTech Engineering in Pasadena. We miss him when he's gone but he spends a lot of time at home, too. George started wearing glasses this year. It's hard to believe we are both getting so old. We celebrated our 33^rd anniversary this year and his 50th birthday recently.

My mom is 80 and getting very frail. She is living in a good nursing home in Canyon, Texas. I feel sad that I can't go see her more often. She has a sister and two brothers who live nearby and see her often, but I still worry about her. Her husband, Charlie died this year and she has been sad about that. I am sad that she is no longer in her house and we don't have her home to go to on holidays.

Other important events of 2007:

· Great vacation to Anchorage, Alaska (October)

· Trips to Amarillo several times, Kansas City to see our old friends (May)

· Our little ferret, Brownie died- we all miss her (February)

· Painted our porch white- looks a lot better (April)

· Continued as Sunday school teacher for the 9 yr old class at church – 8 kids that give me a run for my money

· Received the Woman of Excellence Award from Mayor Bill White and the Federation Houston Professional Women (September)

· Continued as President of Assoc. of Texas Midwives, an association dedicated to moving midwifery forward in Texas and the US

Best Books I read in 2007

· The Wit and Wisdom of Ben Franklin

· The Tao of Willie by Willie Nelson

· Farewell to Jackie (About last years of Jackie Kennedy’s life)

· Without A Map (Memoir of a woman who gave her baby up for adoption)

· In the Ruins of the 3rd Reich (About life in Germany following WWII)

· Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent (About a midwife in California)

· I Walked the Line (Book by Johnny Cash’s first wife, Vivian)

Best movie I saw in 2007: Sicko

I started a blog this year-my goal is to write on it and eventually use my notes from that to write a book about my experiences as a midwife. You can read it at if you are interested. www.lifeofamidwife.blogspot.com.

The best times we had in 2007 were when we were with friends and family. We can never get enough of that. Hope to see all of you that this goes out to many times in 2008.

With love,

Jackie Griggs

2007-11-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

I was at home tonight, channel surfing on the television. I found a movie just starting, Erin Brockovich. I wanted something to watch while I was organizing some papers, so I started watching it. It's sad. Sometimes, I feel like Erin Brockovich in a different kind of way. Here is my Erin Brockovich story.
I was in Hobby Lobby tonight and a woman I had never spoken to called me on cell phone. She told me she was supposed to have a c-section today, but she didn't show up for it. She said she had a c-section with her first baby 6 years ago. Now she is pregnant again with her second baby. She has been going to a doctor who originally said she could try for a vaginal birth. Unfortunately, her due date was yesterday, and her time was up. Her doctor said she can't let her go over her due date, especially since next week is Thanksgiving and she is planning to go out of town. So the woman who called me somehow found the courage to disobey her doctor and not show up for the c-section. Her plan now is to wait until she goes into labor and stay home as long as possible, until she feels an urge to push and go to the hospital and take whatever doctor she gets. She spoke to someone who recommended she call me. So she called me and told me her story.
Maybe I should have just said, I'm sorry, I can't help you. It's pitiful that so many American women are in this situation. I don't know if I can help her. I do know it's a terrible situation that I've heard about over and over again. Unnecessary surgery hurts women and families. It's wrong.

Blog

2007-11-12T08:52:00.001-08:00

Daydreams

2007-11-12T08:07:00.000-08:00

When I help with a difficult birth such as the one I described in the last post, it makes me question whether or not I should remain a midwife. Should it be up to me to hold the life of a baby in my hands? The baby I delivered yesterday was born to a woman with no risk factors. He wasn't too big, not extremely overdue, no meconium, she was in good health. However, he had to be resuscitated. But if I don't do it- who will? She could be with a midwife without as much experience or at a hospital where he would immediately have his cord cut and taken away from his mom and probably still be in NICU.
If I was not a midwife, I would like to work in a bakery or a flower shop, making pretty things. I would only work part time just to have some spending money. I would stay up late whenever I wanted. I would go camping with my boys at least once a month. I would hang out at the library and exercise or walk my dog every day. I would clean out my closet and use my sewing machine more often.
Oh, it's time to wake up. I'll do all that some time in the future. I can do those things when I retire. But now it's not time to retire. I still have a mission to help more women and babies and families and hold a place for an alternative to hospital birth. Most of the time, I love being a midwife and I consider it a privilege. It just shakes me up sometimes to realize what an awesome responsibility I hold in my hands.

A difficult birth

2007-11-12T07:18:00.000-08:00

When I come back to this blog, I know I am more of a midwife than a writer. I make time in my life to be a midwife, but rarely make time to write. So many things have happened since I last wrote and I'm mad at myself for not making the time to write about it. So here I am now to give an update.
I'm at home today listening to NPR on the radio with my cat lying in a basket nearby. it's wonderful to have some time to write. I helped deliver two babies yesterday. It always amazes me how babies are born in little groups. The babies yesterday were at 6:16 am (after a long night for us all), and 5:09 pm. The mother of the second baby is a woman I am close to. I helped her with her first baby as well and have also helped with some of her friends babies. I like her family because it reminds me of my own. She called me yesterday morning to let me know she was in labor. I was already at the birth center with my first client, so she said she would be there in a little while. In the meantime, my other client went home and I got the birth room cleaned and ready to use again.
When she got there, she was doing great- really working well with each strong contraction- breathing and walking and not complaining- just working hard. She is in good health and had a perfectly sized baby- three days past her due date. I checked her vital signs and listened to her baby- everything sounded great. At 1:00, I checked and she was 8 cm with bulging membranes and we were all so excited to know her baby would be here soon. Her first labor had been kind of long. We were all hoping this one would not take so long.
So she got in the birth tub to relax. She continued working well with her contractions. But time went on , and she did not have an urge to push. After about two hours she got out of the tub to lie on the bed because she was getting very tired. I checked again and she was 9 cm, but the front part of her cervix was swollen. Her water broke when I did that exam and it was clear. I felt confident that the baby would come right on down and out with the water out of the way. So she went on with her labor working really hard. I was surprised that her completely normal pregnancy and labor so far had not resulted in birth. During all this time, I was checking her vital signs and listening to her baby with the dopler intermittantly. He always sounded fine. She would occasionally get an urge to push, but it would not last. I knew something was blocking his way. I checked again and her cervix was swollen even more. I was worried now, because there isn't much I can do to stop the swelling except change the mom's position frequently and put ice on the cervix. She was already moving all over the place, so I decided to try to put some ice on the cervix to reduce it. From that time on, I was very busy working with her with every contraction. The ice definitely helped. She got on her hands and knees to put pressure on the front part of her cervix and soon had a true urge to push. The baby's heartbeat went down to the 120's, but still in the normal range. I think it was because his head was being molded.
Finally, we could see his head as she pushed. He certainly didn't glide out. She had to push hard every time to make a little progress. The baby's heart rate remained in the normal range. And now he was crowning. I waited for the next contraction and his head came halfway out. Ok, push him out- but she couldn't she didn't have another contraction or an urge to push. I rubbed her uterus vigorously to stimulate another contraction-I asked her husband to rub her nipples to release some oxytocin. Still no contraction- just push anyway!!!So she pushed with all her might and he came on through. There was a cord around his neck and I quickly looped it off. He came out limp and white and not moving. It is my worst nightmare to see a baby like that.
I immediately rubbed him and suctioned him with the bulb syringe and he moved and coughed a little. My assistant got the oxygen. It took a minute to get the o2 going, but we gave him some. He had a good heartbeat, but still not breathing on his own. I gave him a few puffs with the ambu bag, and finally he started breathing on his own. His color improved and he opened his eyes. His life came back to him! He was so precious and we were all so thankful for him to be alive. His apgars were 4, 9, and 10. Now today he is at home with his parents and big brother and grandparents.

Glad to be home

2007-09-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

I just took a two hour nap. I hardly ever sleep for more than 20 minutes except at night. I was really tired. I'm thankful to be at home today. I got home this morning at 9:00 and immediately changed clothes and went to church. I teach Sunday school and the kids were in a program I didn't want to miss. I need some time off, at least a day. I'm not complaining, but I've got to regroup before I can go any further, so I'm very thankful to be at home today.

I've helped with 4 babies in the last 10 days- all really good births. I consider a good birth one that ends up in a healthy mother and a healthy baby and we don't have to go to the hospital. Not that births we have to go to the hospital for are not good- it's just very hard on us all, but sometimes it's all we can do.

Of the 4 babies born recently, two were to first time moms. It's always a big relief to help guide them safely through that first birth. The one last night took all day yesterday- from 1:30 a.m. to 11:26 pm last night. She started out very quiet, but got loud by the end of the day. It was an especially sweet birth for me because I had delivered 2 babies for this family before- the grandmother of the baby two youngest children. It's wonderful to see a new generation that appreciates midwives. The grandfather of the baby was there all day. It reminded me of when I delivered his two youngest sons. That was 8 and 10 years ago. Time flies. He and I talked politics for awhile this morning. He's a republican, I'm a democrat. It was good to talk to him and know that there are good people on both sides of the aisle.

The other first baby I helped with last week was such a good birth for a first time mom. It's so unfair how some women have it so easy and some have it so hard. I am happy to help women become mothers and families being formed. I am more convinced than ever that the best way to do that is with a home or birth center birth.

I went to Killeen to deliver a baby this week. The mother is a friend and a client and it was the 4th baby I have delivered for this family. Her due date was Sept. 29th and I was hoping all the other babies for September would all be delivered by the time she went into labor. It didn't happen that way. Her water broke at the grocery store, 10 days early. She called me as soon as she got home and told me what had happened. I told her to lie down and stay there. I had also just gotten home from the grocery store. Within 5 minutes, I had put up ,my groceries, gathered some clothes and got into the car and started driving. It took me 4 hours to get there, and she only got up once to use the restroom. When I got there, she got up and started moving around. She immediately started having strong regular contractions and had the baby an hour and a half later. We had made arrangements for another midwife who lives close and is not so busy, to go to her if I could not come or didn't get there in time. It turned out she had another birth that night. When I was driving up there, I never felt worried or stressed. I knew if I was supposed to be there, I would make it. It turned out perfectly. I believe the Lord guides and directs and protects me.

The main thing on my mind today is my baby I had 17 years ago. His birthday is tomorrow. My water broke at 4:30 on a Sunday afternoon and he was born at home at 12:45 am the next day. I am getting ready to go and make him a pumpkin birthday pie (that's what he wants). He is a good son, never have had any problems with him. On his birthday, it was very hot in the day and a cool front came through during the night. I always look forward to his birthday because I want the cool weather. I went outside for a few minutes before I came up here to write. All my plants are practically burnt up from neglect. I watered them all. It's nice to be home.

Being a Writer

2007-09-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

I don't have my midwife hat on tonight. I think some people think I am always at the Birth Center waiting for the next woman in labor, but I also have a life outside of that. I am out of town now, and I have my daughter hat on right now. I am in Amarillo, Texas at my mom's house as I write this. I am here for my stepdad's funeral. He died of bone cancer. He suffered a lot at the end and it was a blessing for him to pass on. I'm glad to be here with my family for this funeral, this ritual. It is good to be with my family. I love to be here, but my husband doesn't and we got into an argument about that today. I don't like to be away from my clients when they have their babies, but when someone close to you dies, it can't be helped. No one has had a baby since I've been gone as far as I know. Hope they will wait until I get back, but babies don't care about my trips. They come when they are ready.

My sons (age 14 and 17) were talking today about a story we heard on NPR about why women read more than men, and why old people like to read more than young ones. It started an interesting discussion. We talked about what kind of books we like to read. I told them I want to be a writer. They both said, "Why???" Why would anyone write if they don't have to? I told them because you are the only one who can write your story. I want to write, but I don't make much time to write. This blog will have to do for now. I just finished reading a really good book called, Without a Map, by Meredith Hall. It is a story about a woman who got pregnant in 1967 when she was 16 and gave her baby up for adoption. He eventually found her when he was 21. That book really touched a cord within me. I was 16 when I had my first baby, but I didn't give him up for adoption. Anyway, reading that book made me feel like I want to write a book about my life.

A Good Outcome

2007-08-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

I'm home from Austin and had my hearing with the Board of Nursing today. It was a good outcome. I will have to be on probation for two years, but I can maintain my license and continue to run my birth center. I am so happy!!!!! I feel like I've had the weight of the world lifted off of me. It is truly a happy day. Having a midwife, or being a midwife is something no one should take for granted, because it is something that can be taken away.
The hearing was difficult, but it went well overall and I have to admit they were reasonable. They gave me plenty of time to tell my side of the story. They allowed Pat to speak some. It was comforting just to have her and my husband in the room. The thing that helped me the most was all the letters my clients wrote for me. When I was in the waiting room, about to go in, I just imagined all my clients that wrote letters around me and protecting me, and I didn't feel afraid. They did take the letters and I think they read at least some of them. The one I put on top was one from my client who is the next one due. She wrote a great letter comparing her 1st hospital birth to her three home births. Even though she doesn't have a college degree, she wrote from the heart and it was very touching.
I feel like I can go forward now. I can buy a new doppler that I've been needing and I can plan for the future again. This is a day I've been dreading and it has turned out good. I love my life and my work. I hope I will be able to help a lot more women before it's all over. I think in the end, this will make my practice stronger. I am forming an alliance with another nurse-midwife in order to meet the terms of my probation. That is a good thing for me and my clients.
One thing I've decided to do as a result of this is to start a legal defense fund for midwives in Texas. I think having an attorney definitely helped me today. I'm going to have a big party in the fall and charge everyone a little something to come to raise money for the fund. Sometimes good things come from adversity.

Late night on the computer

2007-08-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

I go to Austin tomorrow for my hearing with the Board of Nursing. I'm up late tonight printing out my speech and printing all the letters I've received from friends and clients. The letters are overwhelming. I feel like I'm at my funeral and hearing what people are saying about me. But it's even better, because I'm not dead. I'm about as alive as I've ever been.
Reading all these letters has given me a lot of strength to stand up for myself and my profession of midwifery. It means a lot to a lot of people. I'm still a little scared, mainly because of all the bad stories I've heard from other nurses who have had to go before the Board. I guess it's like a woman having her first baby who has heard a lot of scary stories. My midwife friend, Pat, is going with me. My husband is also going. He should have been a lawyer. He can twist anything around to his advantage. I know they will help me through it.
We had a new baby at the birth center yesterday. It reminded me of why I do this. It was a woman who had her first baby and about 14 hours of labor. She never gave up. Had the cutest 8 lb. baby girl, the first grandbaby on both sides. Her mother was so worried about her and her husband was so proud of her. It was so wonderful when the baby finally came out and we all knew we didn't have to worry about going to the hospital. I think she would have been cut for sure there.
Well, I'll close and see what tomorrow holds. Jackie

A Good Day

2007-08-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like I retrieved a treasure today. I asked some of my previous clients to write letters on my behalf that I could present to the Board of Nursing. They responded with so many letters that I feel overwhelmed with their confidence in me. It gives me the courage I need to stand up for myself next Tuesday at my hearing. I hope the Board of Nursing will look at these letters. They are powerful and passionate. It's what happens when women are empowered and appreciate it.

I had a good day in many ways today. Got a lot done at the office during the day and a good evening at home with my family. My boys came home from a trip to Oregon yesterday. They went to see our 2 older sons who live in Eugene. It's good to have them home and makes me realize again what a blessing it is to be a mother. We've been busy getting school clothes and supplies and getting ready for school to start. A weird thing happened when we were at Walgreens. A guy came in right behind us and robbed the store! I don't think he got much money, but he sure shook the place up. I saw him look at me when I got out of my car, and I thought he was acting kind of weird, but I didn't think that much about it, and then he came in a few minutes later and told the girl at the counter to give him all her money which she promptly did. My son and I were already down an aisle and all we heard was a lot of commotion as soon as he ran out. Never had that happen before.

I got to be part of a conference call today to help choose a new Course Coordinator for ATM. The women that have applied for the job are all incredible and makes me feel good about the future midwives in Texas. One girl we interviewed is so enthusiastic about being a midwife. She reminds me of myself 10 years ago, but she's even smarter and better. One of my clients came to see me today and then stayed at the office awhile just to talk. She is a doula. She is pregnant and her baby is due in August with her 4th baby. She is very smart. The other day, my husband was talking about one of our sons becoming an engineer and I was feeling sorry for myself because I don't have any daughters to follow in my footsteps. Today I realized I have lots of women who are kind of like my daughters who want to become midwives and doulas, and childbirth educators. There are lots of women who see value in what I do and that makes me very happy.

Camellia and Debbie and I were all at the office today. I can't help but wonder what is going to happen in the future. Will we be able to keep going after this week? I'm worried about the hearing on Tuesday. I'm going to spend some time tomorrow preparing for it.

Legal Problems looming

2007-08-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm starting this blog today as I listen to a story about VBAC on NPR in the background. I've wanted to do this for a really long time. I want to write about all my ups and downs as a midwife.
This has been a particularly up and down day. It started out at 3:00 am this morning with one of my clients who I've been expecting to call any day. She told me she was in labor and I got up and got ready to go. I arrived at her home at 3:50 am and she was in strong labor when I arrived. I called my assisitant, Camellia to come asap. She had a beautiful baby on the birth stool at 4:50 am. Just had time to get things set up and ready before the baby came. A wonderful birth with a wonderful family and precious baby girl.
Stayed at her home until about 11am (rested between 9-10). All was well there. Went next to see a client who lives on a boat in Galveston Bay. Another beautiful family that just had their 3rd baby. They were both tired- the baby kept them up most of the night, but still very happy with their newborn son. Did the baby's newborn screen and weighed him and checked for jaundice. All well there, so went on down the road. Stopped at Neptune's Subs in Seabrook- one of my favorite places to eat. Told the owner they have 2 new baby residents in the area. They were all happy.
Got to my office/ birth center about 2pm. Tired but happy about a fulfilling days work. Got into my e-mail and found out I have a hearing scheduled to defend my license next Tuesday, August 28th. This is when I decided to start a blog. I need somewhere to let my clients and friends know what is happening with me and my legal situations and how difficult this is to cope with. I don't want to whine and moan. I want to tell my side of the story. All my life when I have been in difficult situations, my best therapy has been to write about it, so that is what I am going to do here. Will post more about my case soon.
Jackie